New Bubba teaser

Jun 18

Posted by john in Uncategorized | No Comments

Here’s a little taste from the next Bubba the Monster Hunter story. Currently untitled.

“Skeeter,” I said in my best “be calm so you don’t cuss out your best friend in front of the entire kitchen staff of the hotel” voice. “Do we know anything new about the L-E-P-R-E-. . . The thing we’re after?” My attempt to spell out leprechaun ended in miserable failure when I realized I couldn’t spell “leprechaun.”

“There was another attack last night. And underground poker game just outside of town. I’ll send the address to your phone.”

“Okay, I’ll head out there as soon as I finish breakfast.” 

“You mean you ain’t finished? Damn, Bubba, even hobbits only eat two breakfasts Save something for lunch.” I flipped off the air and pressed the button to hang up the phone, then headed back upstairs to shower and get dressed to face the day. Somewhere in Greenville, SC there was an Irish mythical creature killing people and raiding poker games. I needed to find it, and kill it. And maybe stick around for more grits tomorrow morning.

HeroesCon 2013

Jun 6

Posted by john in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Come see me this weekend at HeroesCon 2013! I’ll be in booth AA-2017, near the concession stands and the restrooms. Yep, I get the best tables in restaurants, too. Nah, that’s just what I get for registering late. But near the loo is actually a pretty good place to be at an exhibit hall. And I’ve got some new product to share with folks, including The Big Bad: An Anthology of Evil, just released from Dark Oak Press. This horror anthology features 30 stories where the only restriction on the subject matter was – the protagonist must be a “bad guy.” So we’ve got werewolves, vampires, zombies, wizards, dragons and plain old humans. It’s also available on ebook for only $2.99 and trade paperback and hardcover wherever books are sold.

Love Hurts – Excerpt from new Bubba story

Apr 14

Posted by john in Fiction, Writing | No Comments

There’s a new Bubba story coming! Finished the draft, just gotta knock out the typos, tighten it up a little, and give it a cover. Oughta have it ready for y’all later this week. Here’s the opener - 

 

Love Hurts

A Bubba the Monster Hunter Short Story

By John G. Hartness

 

The last thing I saw was the handle of my Grandpappy’s sword sticking out of my belly, covered in blood that was supposed to still be inside me. The last thing I heard was my brother’s voice, speaking to me for the first time in about fifteen years, mocking me as he twisted the blade. The last thing I thought was how much family reunions suck.

The next thing I knew I was laying in a hospital bed with more tubes and wires stuck to me than Wolverine in that crappy X-Men prequel. I stared up at the ceiling for a minute, wiggling fingers and toes and other parts that would wiggle before I turned my head to the side. Agent Amy was asleep in the chair by my bed, a strand of blonde hair creeping loose from her ponytail to brush across one cheek. I reached out to brush it back into place, but was really surprised to find that somebody had tied hundred-pound weights to my hands. Or at least that’s what it felt like, because I couldn’t move either mitt.

Amy must have heard or sensed something, because her eyes snapped open and she reached for the call button on my bed.

“Can I help you?” Came the tinny voice from the little speaker thingy that doubled as a speaker for the TV and a walkie-talkie to the nurses’ station.

“He’s awake. You should probably come untie him now.” Amy replied. I heard what she was saying, but didn’t quite get what she was saying until Amy looked back to me.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. The nurses kept the keys to your restraints, and I didn’t think it was worth fighting over while you were still asleep.”

“Where am I?” I don’t really have a problem with cliches, as long as they’re valid. And this one was. I had no friggin’ clue where I was.

“Atlanta. I had you flown here after Jason skewered you.”

“Like a damn shishkabob. Little bastard ran me through like poop through a goose.”

“That’s attractive, Bubba.” A new voice came from the door, and I looked up to see my best friend, wingman and technological guru Skeeter standing in the doorway, striking a pose. He woulda looked more heroic standing there all backlit and shit if he was bigger, or maybe armed. As it was, his skinny ass was the best-looking thing I’d seen in weeks. Except for Agent Amy, but she’s a chick, which gives her a default boost in the good-looking department. Anyway, Skeeter stepped into the room and flipped on the lights as a cute Asian nurse pushed past him.

“Mr. . . .”

“Bubba.” I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “Just Bubba will do fine, sweet-cheeks. Now, you wanna let me loose from all these cuffs and tubes and wires and shit? I gotta go rip my brother’s head off and crap down his neck.”

I didn’t know Asian people could get that pale, but she turned white as a sheet. I think she was afraid I was gonna kill Jason right there in the hospital. Which I reckon I woulda if I’da thought for a second that he was in the hospital.

She glanced over at Agent Amy, who gave her a nod. I reckon it was supposed to reassure the little thing that I didn’t want to kill her. It must have worked, since she set to unfastening me from the bed. “Mr. Bubba, you can’t rip anyone’s head off for a while. As a matter of fact, I don’t think you’re going to be in much shape to be ripping open a bag of Doritos anytime soon. You suffered serious internal injuries, and if it were not for the work of a lot of very fine surgeons and your friends here rushing you here in a —“

“Black government helicopter that none of us knows anything about.” Skeeter said with a grin. He was sitting in a straight chair by the window, grinning like a possum that had just crossed the freeway. He’d been full of conspiracy theories since we were in middle school, so finding out that the government really did have black helicopters was the best Christmas present he could have ever imagined.

“Yes, that.” Nurse Whatsherface finished. “My name is Lucy, and I’m your daytime nurse. Ethel is the charge nurse and your technician is Alex. Dr. Watson will be by later to talk with you about your injuries and how long you can expect to stay here.”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Serious about what?” Lucy had that look on her face that said she knew exactly what I was asking about but didn’t want to give me the satisfaction of just answering the question.

“My doctor is named Watson?”

“Yes, sir. Dr. Watson is one of our most competent surgeons, with experience in a wide range of internal injuries. And your injuries were apparently quite extensive.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when your kid brother shoves a sword through your guts. Extensive injuries.”

She looked back down at her charts, doing a good job of not asking any of the obvious questions. “Yes, well, my sibling rivalries were slightly less violent. Now Agent Hall, Mr. Jones, would you please step out of the room for a few minutes while I check the dressing on his wounds?”

They left, and Nurse Lucy did a thoroughly professional job of checking my wounds, redressing the hole in my back and my front, and making sure that nothing got kinked up in my catheter line. And if you ever need to feel like the least sexually interesting human being in the world, let a nurse slap a huge bandage across your naked belly while you’re pissing into a catheter bag.

“How long?” I asked, more to take my mind off what she wasn’t doing than anything else.

“How long what?” She replied, not bothering to look up from the task at hand.

“How long was I out?”

“You were in surgery for about eleven hours, then there were some issues with getting you stabilized, so it says here that they went back in to patch up a couple of other small bleeders and then you were out for about three days.”

“So it’s been four days since that little son of a bitch gutted me?”

“Yes. If you don’t mind my asking, why haven’t the authorities been involved? You came in here on a government helicopter and you’ve said repeatedly that you know who stabbed you. So why aren’t there any police around?”

I looked up at her and tried to remember the days before I knew that the things that go bump in the night are real and that the monster under your bed was usually a boggart, not a figment. Those days were way too long ago, I couldn’t drag up that innocence anymore. I gave her my best lopsided grin. “Nurse Lucy, I’d love to tell you, but it was a government training exercise, and I can’t say anything more.”

“But you said —“

“I’m pretty sure you misheard me. Didn’t you?” I smiled a little, which is usually enough to scare normal people. It worked. The little woman turned pale again, and went back to work without any other questions.

Where I am and where I’ll be . . .

Apr 7

Posted by john in Appearances, Real Life, Vampires | No Comments

I’ve been adapting to the new job fairly well. It’s been two months and I haven’t fired the entire staff. There have been some personnel changes, but that’s pretty normal when new management is brought in. But it’s taken more of my time than my last full-time job did, and that’s eaten into my writing time and certainly into my posting time here. I’ll be around this little spot on the interwebs, but it’ll mostly be to post updates on appearances, release dates, and that sort of thing. If you want to keep track of my whereabouts on a more frequent basis, Facebook is really the best way. I have a personal page and an author page, and you’re welcome to follow me on either one or both. The author page is more professional (marginally), while my personal page is pretty uncensored. You’ve been warned.

I’ll also be posting on Magical Words every week for the next little while as Kalayna works on some deadline stuff she’s got to take care of. So I’m posting there every Thursday on writing, the writing life, and the things we all do to keep on keeping on. And every once in a while I’ll post about David Coe’s underwear.

You really had to be there.

And speaking of being there – my next there to be will be JordanCon in Roswell, GA. I’m there in two weeks, from April 19-21, with James Tuck, Delilah Dawson, Mira Grant, Michael Whelan and a bunch of other folks. There might even be a sighting from that dude that finished the Wheel of Time series! If so, he’d better bring his Commander decks. It’s his fault I got into this mess.

So if you’re anywhere near Atlanta in two weeks, come say hi!

In the meantime, this place will be a little less deserted, but if I blog less, it’s because I’m working on Paint it Black, The Big Bad Anthology, new Bubba stories and some awesome ideas I’ve got brewing.

Be good to each other,

J

How to keep up with me . . .

Jan 19

Posted by john in Appearances | No Comments

Every once in a while I just like to remind y’all that you can find me all over the interwebs.

So if you visit here, feel free to “like” me on Facebook

You can follow me on Twitter.

You can even subscribe to my email list, which I’m using more since there’s a free Bubba story every week nowadays!

Nah, I’m not giving you my phone number, that’s a little creepy. But you check out all that stuff above, and you’ll see I’m really easy to find.

A couple of those weeks . . .

Jan 18

Posted by john in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I’ve been pretty buried this week, and I’ll be almost totally radio silence next week, so don’t lose hope, I’m still alive, just working my ass off trying to pay the bills.

But first – big news for Black Knight Chronicles fans – Book 4 has been delivered! To my publisher, that is. But the fact is that the long wait is almost over, we’re getting ready to start edits on it, and I really hope to have it delivered to folks this summer. In my dream world, I’d have print copies for ConCarolinas in June, but I haven’t even started that conversation with my publisher yet, and it depends on how much work the book needs before it gets to you fine folks. But the first draft (that they’ve seen, about the third draft for me) is in the hands of the fine folks at Bell Bridge Books, so we’re moving forward!

I’m still writing Bubba stuff, and there will be a Bubba story this month, but it will be the last week of January, because I’ve been covered up and see no end to that in the near future. Which is good, but it does slow down some of my output.

The editing thing is starting to take off. I’m currently full for the next four weeks, so if you have a manuscript you’d like me to work on with you, understand that I won’t touch it until Mid-February. I only work on one book at a time, so that slows me down a little, but it gives my undivided attention to each project, so I think it’s a fair trade.

Next week I’m not writing or editing, I’m playing lighting designer again. I’m working on two shows at the same time - Seasons for a local dance company and Next to Normal for a small theatre company here in town. If you’re around, come check them out. Both shows are pretty innovative in their own way, and Next to Normal features some amazing actors. I watched rehearsal last night and was blown away. So I’ll be living in the dark all next week, except for my post on Magical Words, which honestly, I’ll probably write this weekend and schedule it so that I don’t forget.

So there we are, a brief update, but an update nonetheless. And yes, Paint it Black will happen sometime this year, I promise!

 

Whatever

Jan 9

Posted by john in Appearances, Real Life, Theatre | No Comments

With apologies to Scalzi. But not really. He doesn’t own the term, no matter what the Google machine might think :) . I hate titling blog posts. Frankly, I hate titling anything, which is why I rip off song titles for almost all my books and story titles.

First off, the Help Peter David contest will keep going until next Monday! You have more chances to win a t-shirt, but the real reason the contest is going to keep keeping on is because the awesome Davey Beauchamp is donating some signed Peter David comics! So I have more prizes for more winners! You don’t need to buy anything to win, but the whole point is to get people to buy Peter’s books to help him and his family deal with the bills from his recent stroke. So don’t be a cheap-ass, go buy something to help one of my favorite writers.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, either scroll down or click here. According to his blog, which his wife is keeping updated, he’s been moved to rehab, which is way less cool when you’re not a rock star drying out, and will be living there apart from his family for a month or more. That’s gotta suck eight ways to Sunday, and is going to be hell expensive any way you slice it, so reach deep and buy his shit while he’s sick. Hell, buy his shit when he’s well, too. Peter is a giant in the comics industry and I’ve been a big fan of his almost as long as I’ve been able to pay attention to the writing in comics. I think after Chris Claremont, Peter David was the second comic book writer name I learned to recognize.

Moving along, because this can’t all be a blog about me being charitable and nice, otherwise it would fuck up a carefully crafted reputation. I got an agent! Not a literary one, which might make a few people shake their heads. Some of y’all know I’ve been an actor for a long time. It’s what I went to school for, it’s been a passion of mine for many years, and now I’m taking steps to make it a secondary revenue stream. Hell, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it became a primary revenue stream. But don’t sweat it, I’m still writing, I’m still editing, I’m still designing. I’m still doing all the things I’ve been doing, I’m just trying to add a little acting on top of that to help pay the bills. But I’m excited about the prospect of doing some commercials, maybe some small features. Who knows, maybe I can get a little spot on Homeland? After all, it shoots right up the road!

Come see me this weekend at Illogicon! Here’s my Schedule!

The State of Short Fiction: (Friday, 5 PM, Reynolds)
Comedy in Sci-fi/Fantasy: (Saturday, 1 PM, Reynolds)
Reading (Saturday, 7 PM, Crescent)
Ebooks: (Sunday, 11 AM, Smith) (M)
Humanizing Your Villains: (Sunday, 2 PM, Smith)
Self Promoting Without Going Broke:   (Sunday, 3 PM, Reynolds)

Other times I can be found somewhere drinking, so come look for me!

Help a brother out. And win a free t-shirt!

Jan 4

Posted by john in Real Life | 9 Comments

There is a contest attached to this post, I promise. But you have to read all the way to the end of the post to enter. Deal with it, this shit’s important.

I’ve met Peter David once. For about ten seconds. I’m sure he doesn’t remember. Hell, I barely remembered until I sat down to write this. It was one of those con meetings, before I had any success or could get conventions to give me badges and spots on panels. I had watched him on a panel talking about his new self-published venture, and at the end of it I went up to grab a card for the new book and mentioned to him that I really loved his work on X-Factor and particularly his run on The Incredible Hulk, which to this day is the only run on Hulk I really got into. He said thanks, and we both moved on.

So let’s be totally clear – I don’t know the man other than as a fan. I’ve sat in rooms where he’s been on panels, and I don’t always agree with everything he’s got to say. For a while there he got a little Joe Konrath-esque in his lambasting of traditional publishers as he championed the cause of self-publishing, but most folks go through that. If we’re lucky, we do it quietly and very few people notice. If we’re best-sellers, we draw a little more attention to ourselves.

But I digress. Longtime comic fans got that joke, I promise. The point of this is not whether or not Peter David is my friend, which he isn’t, or whether or not I am still a fan of Peter David, which I am. The point is that right now, Peter David is my brother, and he needs your help. Peter had a stroke on December 30th, and is currently recuperating in the hospital. He is getting some movement back on his right side, and he can speak, but he has a long road to get back to the level of mobility and health he was accustomed to.

And it’s going to be f’n expensive. According to his wife Kathleen on Peter’s website, they have insurance, but getting hospital sick right around New Year’s bones you twice. It’s not like getting sick in July, where you deal with deductibles and copays ’til you max out for the year, then you’re done. Oh no! Peter did it up right. He got a couple days’ worth of hospital care knocked out under 2012 deductibles and copays, then stayed right on through until the insurance reset three days ago. So double the out-of-pocket for the Davids. If that’s not kicking a fellow when he’s down, I don’t know what is.

But thanks to Davey Beauchamp, who’s been keeping his Facebook updated with Peter’s situation, now I know how to help. And I’m going to share that information with you.

Buy his books.

Not his tradpub stuff, although those books are awesome and we want those to sell, but the Davids won’t see any money from any of his licensed property work or graphic novel work for months, if not a year or more.

No, this is one time when the quick payment of the self-pub world can really make a difference in an author’s life. Go to PeterDavid.net and read the post from Kathleen. Then buy one of his self-pubbed books. The money from those books will be in Peter’s bank account by the end of March, and that’s going to be a huge help for someone who is racking up thousands of dollars in healthcare costs every day. And that’s with insurance.

I don’t mind telling you that this is a couple of my greatest fears. Strokes run in my family, and my mother started having small strokes about the time she turned fifty. She has full-blown Alzheimer’s now, and it’s terrifying to watch. Since I turn forty this year, it’s on the list of things I worry about. And an extended hospital stay would be horrific to my financial situation right now, since I’m just making ends meet by hustling as hard as I can. So I feel for Peter, and I’m going to go buy some of his books.

And they’ll be awesome, because the man made me weep over an issue of The Incredible Hulk, so how can his other fiction now be amaze balls?

Your mission today – go buy a Peter David book, then come back here and click the little Rafflecopter thingy. You can get entries for every book you buy – but don’t bullshit me, I’ll find out somehow! You can also get entries for sharing this link on Twitter or on Facebook. One winner will receive a free “Read Recklessly” T-shirt in awesome black, and something cool autographed. I dunno what, maybe a neat Magic card or something. Drawing is Monday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.

Jan 3

Posted by john in Appearances, Business of publishing, Travel, Writing | 1 Comment

Bullshit.

There, I think that’s enough of a post for one day, right?

No?

Okay, fine, I’ll expand a little. We’ve heard those words uttered for years about various teachers who have failed at various things, and I’m certainly guilty of throwing the phrase around more than once about a professor or two that I’ve had in my day. But now that I’m teaching with something resembling regularity at Carolina Learning Connection (next class Saturday, a few spots still available!), I realize what utter bullshit that is.

I am never focusing more on my writing than when I’m trying to explain writing to someone. This goes for editing as well, but for my post on editing you’ll have to wait until next week when I debut as the newest regular member of the Magical Words blog team! Yep, I’m no longer the pinch-hitter, I’m now a regular member of the team. I’ll be posting every other Thursday, alternating with the amazing and lovely Kalayna Price. So for more craft-specific posts, you’ll be able to find me there.

Eventually. For now, I’ll talk about these classes that I teach. So far, I’ve led three half-day workshops in rotation. One is called The Next Step, and it talks about the various paths to publication for various types of work. Since I’ve published everything from news articles to poetry to novels, I’ve seen a lot of angles of the publishing business in a very short time. The second class that I offer is Self-Publishing for Fun & Profit, where I talk about why people should self-publish, why they should NEVER self-publish, and what to expect if they decide to self-publish. Then I also teach a Social Media and Self-Promotion for the Writer class. This goes into Facebook, Twitter, blogging, why you should, why you shouldn’t, what you should do, what you should never do, and how to avoid my mistakes. :) .

And other writers teach as well, frequently much better than me. If you want to see an amazing writing class, check out this YouTube series featuring Brandon Sanderson. 

I have a great time teaching them, and am looking forward to this weekend’s class, but I really do work at these things. It’s not like back-breaking labor, I am sitting in a conference room talking to people for four hours, but the prep is sometimes tough. This weekend we’ll be looking at shrinking markets, as mergers in publishing are going to eventually narrow the number of major publishers even further. And with the timeline of corporate mergers, that narrowing will take place right about the time that books bought by those houses today are ready to drop. That means orphaned books, kiddies, so be careful who you’re submitting to for the next six months or so.

Just a little Nostradamus (sp?) action from your favorite hillbilly.

On a completely different tip, I continue to be amazed at the consistent growth in Bubba book sales. All the collected volumes continue to do well, and I’m very grateful for that. If anybody out there has a hookup with the SyFy channel, feel free to slip a Bubba ebook under the door. I think the series would be so awesome on that network. But that’s beside the point. At last night’s writer’s group I knocked out the outline for Bubba Season 2 Episode 1, called Love Hurts. But gimme your feedback – is that too similar to Love Stinks, which I used last year? Leave a comment and let a brutha know.

I’m also hip-deep in editing clients, and do not have any more slots for edits until the last week of January. So if you have a book ready to go that you want to have drop in March, get on board with me now or we won’t make that deadline. It takes a couple of solid weeks up to a couple of months to get a book polished and ready to go, so don’t find yourself behind the eight ball.

I’m out – got a bunch of freelance stuff due and some invoicing to send out. Also booking some travel. Very excited to have snagged a table at MidSouthCon this year, which I’ll be sharing with the awesome James R. Tuck. If you’re going to be in Memphis, please come by and say hello. And if you’re going to be anywhere in the Raleigh/Durham area next weekend, please come out to Illogicon and say hi! I’ll be there all three days!

Grinding

Dec 27

Posted by john in Writing | 1 Comment

So apparently I’m an editor now.

Well, I guess I have been for some time, ever since I decided to publish The Big Bad (yes, edits on stories are happening, yes, the project is still going, unfortunately the real world kinda exploded for me and my co-editor earlier this year, so we’re getting things back on track, I promise).

But now that I’m taking on clients it brings a whole new perspective on things.

1) I’ve said before that I’m never more an expert on a subject than when I have to teach a class on it. Well, I can certainly see how editing will improve one’s writing, too. The more I pick apart someone else’s weak sentences, passive voice, call them on head-hopping or just nitpick their word choice, the more precise I become with my own work. And that’s nothing but a good thing.

2) Editing for me is harder than writing. Working to figure out what someone else wanted to say and make sure that their work is coming out in the best possible light is something I take very seriously, much more seriously than I take the upcoming story about the Iguanaconda.

3) But seriously, isn’t the Iguanaconda the greatest thing you’ve ever heard of! I know, right!?!

4) Yes, I’m serious.

So I’ve got room on my plate for about two more novel-length works for January, then I’m booking into February. So if you’d like my help on your book, shoot me an email and I’ll get you a quote. It averages out to about $.005/word for full editing. If all you need is proofreading or ebook conversion, that’s way cheaper.