I love the dreams about The Garden. It’s the only time I get to go back there, and those are the dreams I hate to wake up from. In this one, everybody was there. Me, Eve, Cain, Abel, Myra, Emily, all my children and wives from thousands of years, and all of Eve’s husbands and babies, too. I was sitting under The Tree watching Emily pose while Cain painted her portrait. She was sitting on a rock, barefoot with shorts and a t-shirt on, with a flower stuck behind one ear. Cain looked more at peace than I’d seen him in many years while he mixed paints on a little palette and dabbed a little yellow here, a little blue there, a swath of green over there. Abel stood behind his brother watching proudly, the love he had for his baby brother shining in his eyes. Eve lay on her stomach next to me, resting her head on her folded arms while she twisted flowers into a garland. We were at peace, all of us a huge ridiculous family, and even Lucky wasn’t looking to spoil anything. He just sat on a tree limb watching the children play. It was like his rebellion never happened, like Eve and I never ate the fruit, like nobody ever made any Choices.

Of course, just as I reached down beside me to take a drink from the frosty glass I had resting on the ground, I heard a voice.

“Alright, Sleeping Beauty. Time to make the donuts.” Sometimes having kids is a pain in the ass. Now try having kids that are thousands of years old. The whole respecting your elders thing goes in the shitter when your one of the oldest people in the world.

“Fuck off, Cain, we’re sleeping.” I mumbled.

“Unless you’ve got a mouse in your underpants, Poppa, there’s no ‘we.’ And since you’re swearing at me, you’re obviously not sleeping.” My smartass kid replied. Correct that. My eldest smartass kid. All my kids have had a wicked wit that I attribute to Eve. After all, that type of cynicism could never have come from yours truly. I then realized that the little shit was right, I was alone in the bed. That’s never an ideal waking situation, but it becomes even less so when you didn’t go to sleep alone, and had no real reason to anticipate waking up that way. I looked around the room for Myra, and heard the squeal of a water pipe as the shower kicked on to reassure me that I hadn’t been abandoned.

“Alright, darling child of mine, I am indeed awake. Now what can I do for you?” I rolled over to face Cain, who stood in the doorway already dressed for the day. He had gone native upon returning to New Orleans and stood in his flip-flops, white linen pants and a beige linen shirt. With his hair smoothed back into a loose ponytail at the base of his neck he looked like he could have stepped out of an Anne Rice novel. I envied him his sense of style, just a little. I’ve always leaned a little more towards biker chic myself, and I probably looked like Sam Elliott after a three-week bender given the few hours of sleep I’d grabbed.

“Well, Paternal One, I thought it might be a good idea for you to accompany me to meet mother for breakfast.” Cain replied, and there was something in his eyes that told me I needed to get dressed, and pronto.

“Where is she?” I asked as I pulled on pants and caught the t-shirt that Cain tossed to me. I reached into my bag for some deodorant and paused for a moment before I went over and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Just a minute.” I heard Myra call out from inside. I went in anyway, and closed the door behind me as I thought I heard Cain’s muffled reply. I stuck my head back outside the bathroom and said “Excuse me?”

“I said, she’s in jail. And we’re going to go bail her out. Now brush your teeth, your breath is peeling the paint.” I ducked back into the bathroom where Myra was just turning off the water.

“Adam, dear, I know we were close a while back, but do I really need to clarify that ‘just a minute’ does not mean ‘come right in and watch me shower?’” She said as she dried off. I did take a moment to notice that she really was a well-assembled woman as I squirted toothpaste all over the faucet.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” She laughed as she said it and I remembered what drew me to her in the first place. Aside from the obvious attractions, all of which were on display at the moment, I loved her laugh.

“I’m sorry, Myra, I’ve gotta brush my teeth and run. Apparently Eve’s in trouble and Cain says we can get her to talk to us if we bail her out.” I brushed my teeth and tongue, and headed back out into the bedroom. I pulled on my boots and was just heading out when I heard Myra behind me.

“Take Emily.”

“I don’t know how good an idea that is, Myra. Eve’s pretty pissed at me for a lot of things, and she can be pretty nasty.” I started.

“Look. We all know how this works. I make a logical suggestion, you make unreasoned objections, and eventually Emily and Cain chime in, with the odd annoying aside from the angelic asshole on the sofa, and you end up doing what I say anyway. Since we’re short on time, why don’t we just pretend to go through all the tedious bits and skip right to part where you do it my way.”

“I make it a point never to argue with a MILF in a towel, so you win.” Cain snickered at that, Emily blew orange juice through her nose and Myra blushed all the way down to the tops of her breasts, which was where the towel started. She flipped me the bird and closed the bedroom door after herself. I headed for the door, and said to Emily, “Come along kiddo, you know she’s right.”

“When did you make up that rule?” Cain asked as we headed down the stairs.

“About ninety seconds ago.” I said.

“Ahem, Adam?” I heard from the balcony as we went out onto the street. I looked up and saw Michael leaning over the railing.

“Yeah, Michael. What is it?”

“What’s a milf?” and Emily, Cain and I walked down the street, laughing our asses off at the perplexed seraphim.

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