I promise to discuss my penis and its activites less today, but rather to move upstream, as it were. Today’s topic – the bladder.

I travel a lot. Not as much as some of my jet-setting poker writing friends, but enough nonetheless that my Marriott Rewards Platinum status is secure for all of 2010 (and was halfway through 2009). And one thing I’ve noticed in my travels, is that I have a fairly well-trained bladder for travel. I can be in an airplane or car for hours on end and never have to pee, which makes it convenient. This also means that whenever I get where I’m going, I usually have to pee like a racehorse. I don’t mind that too much, because the release of a gigantic piss after holding it for hours at a time is nigh-orgasmic, and any time I can insert a little more nigh-orgasmic into my day, I’m all for it. Frankly, any time I can insert the phrase nigh-anything into a sentence, I’m all for it. It sometimes makes me want patches on my elbows and a pipe, but I can live with that.

But sometimes, especially when I’m heading home or to the office, my superpowered bladder begins to fail when I’m just close enough to not want to stop, but far enough away (read: more than 3′) from a toilet to make relieving myself impossible or at least impractical. It’s almost like my bladder has a mind of its own, and when it senses that I’m close to my final destination of the evening, it just slides into relaxation mode, and is ready to let it all hang out. Literally. Right f’n now. This has led to more than one instance of stopping at a gas station or fast food restaurant one exit away from my hotel to take a leak, and more instances than I can count of doing the peepee dance while holding a suitcase, backpack and three days worth of dress shirts while waiting on an elevator.

This is even less attractive in real life than it is in your imagination, trust me. Probably no post tomorrow, as I have a work thing in Winston-Salem that will take all day. Then Saturday I’m going to a poetry workshop at the Main Street Rag offices, then Suzy and I are going to see Avatar in 3-D Imax Saturday night. That’s one movie that really makes me wish I still did hallucinogens to get the full experience, but the Imax 3-D might be the closest thing.

If you enjoy this post, or just want to make sure you don\'t miss a new release, please take a second to support me on Patreon!