That should be the best description of my mood for the next couple of days. So if I’m a little snippy, deal with it. I’m starting a diet, and that’s never on the top of a fat guy’s favorite things list. My buddies Nick and Russell came up with a $100 weight loss prop bet this weekend at poker, and I need some type of motivation to get my fat ass out of the chair and start losing some weight, and the prospect of winning a couple hundy off my friends should be just the thing. The worst part of any weight loss endeavor – the first weigh-in. I knew that I’d let myself get heavier than I’ve ever been, but I wasn’t quite prepared for just how high the numbers on my scale would go.

They go all the way to 296.8.

I suppose I should be happy that I didn’t weigh in over three bills, the way I’ve been living the past couple of years, but when I look back at pictures like this







And I realize that just a few short years ago I had lost 55 pounds and was down to a pretty svelte 215 lbs, but now I’m eaten my way through a small country and now look like this











Well, let’s suffice to say that I’m less than thrilled with myself. So I’m back on the same plan that I used a few years ago to lose weight. Start off with diet only for the first month. Cut back to less than 2,000 calories per day, with one cheat day per week. Add a little exercise whenever I can. Then start serious exercise in month two. Then work my way up to working out five days a week for at least half an hour a day. This helped me drop 55 pounds in six months, so I think by the time we weigh in on January 2nd, 2012, I should be able to have shed 10% of my total body weight. Which is a good start. But I’m going to get back to where I was a few years ago, and maybe even further. Because I have to. I’ve noticed the toll my weight has taken on my health and my enjoyment in life, and something has to change.

It really hit me at Dragon*Con, when I could barely walk from the Marriott to the Sheraton without dying. As it was, I got so horribly sweaty I had to change shirts two and three times a day, and it wasn’t that hot. It was warm, and it was humid, but I was sweating like a pig because I’m in terrible condition. And I’m the guy who used to be on my bike four or five times every week! It’s disgusting, and I’m going to fix it. I’m not even forty yet, and I take anti-inflammatory pills for my knees (because they aren’t meant to carry this much weight on them), blood pressure pills (because I’m a fatass), decongestant spray (because my neck and nasal passages are so fat it’s hard to breath) and cholesterol pills (because I’m a fatass). So for the $50-60 a month I spend on prescription drugs, I could be buying books!

So the good news for you, my loyal readers – now in addition to boring posts about writing, you’ll get boring posts about weight loss, too! Lucky you, right? Oh well,  if you’re anything like most of America, you need to be on this same exercise kick with me. So I’ll post my weekly weigh-in numbers here, and you get to hold me accountable for the crap I put into my body. So I’m off the beer, and (mostly) off the soda, and onto the carrot sticks and water. And hopefully off the super-heavyweight roster before too long.

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4 thoughts on “Grumpy

  1. When I read the title, was afraid the Packers had something to do with your mood. I have to say, this is a more productive reason for grumpiness! Best of luck fetching that couple hundred.

  2. don’t be so hard on yourself, John. it happens to the best of us and i’m sure you don’t want to hear it, it’s even harder to lose as we age (i say so, because i KNOW it!). best of luck to your better health – and a couple hundred to spend on new clothes!

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