by john | Jun 21, 2012 | Real Life
I swiped this from my friend Mud’s Facebook feed. In the immortal words of somebody, that’s some bullshit.
This post is written by Jane of Dear Author and is reproduced in its entirety, as in I copied and pasted the whole thing. I couldn’t have said it better.
The Oatmeal is a satiric cartoon site run by Matthew Inman. About a year ago, he noticed that his content was being uploaded without attribution to a site called “The FunnJunk.” The FunnyJunk is a site that contains user generated content. This means that account holders post things that they like from all over the internet. Maybe a pre-Pinterest sort of site. The Oatmeal writes to the FunnyJunk requesting that the information be removed.
FunnyJunk took down the comics but proceeded to create a mirror image of The Oatmeal’s website. The Oatmeal responded by asking his readers what to do.
The FunnyJunk responded with a call to action to its own users asking them to inundate The Oatmeal’s inbox and facebook page. The FJ’s users responded in droves using their arsenal of retorts such as gay slurs and incoherently misspelled sentences to insult The Oatmeal and his biological predecessors for having the gall to procreate and, I guess, learn how to spell and draw.
According to Ars Technica, after the furor died down, the FJ admin acted somewhat responsibly, possibly realizing that its site could be in jeopardy due to all the copyrighted material illegally reposted there.
When the flame war finally died down, the FunnyJunk admin issued an unsigned note saying, “We’ve been trying for the longest time to prevent users from posting copyrighted content” and “I’m having all content, comics, comments, etc. with the names of your comics in them deleted/banned by tonight… The site barely affords to stay alive as it is and has enough problems.”
The Oatmeal v. FunnyJunk could have died there in November of 2011, only to be a footnote in internet flamewar history. But no.
The FunnyJunk for some reason came into contact with Charles Carreon, Esq., an attorney who came into national prominence during the sex.com domain name lawsuit. Carreon penned a letter on behalf of FJ, threatening The Oatmeal with a lawsuit for the post where The Oatmeal points out that the FJ has copied his website. Carreon, on behalf of FJ, wants the post to be taken down and $20,000 in damages.
The Oatmeal gets a lawyer and responds back with well worded, backed by research, rebuttal. The Oatmeal also goes on to decide to raise money off this ridiculous situation because so many of his readers want to help but the money isn’t going to Inman, instead he raised money for charity. Initially, he only thought to raise $20,000 for charity but the donations came in thick and fast and in the end, Inman raises over $200,000 which is donated to The American Cancer Society and the National Wildlife Federation.
The Oatmeal v. FunnyJunk could have died there on June 12, 2012, only to be a footnote in internet flamewar history and with its own Wikipedia entry. But no.
The situation gains the attention of the mainstream media and Carreon begins to make personal threats. He expresses wonderment and dismay at the internet’s reaction (he calls it bullying) toward his legal demands of Inman and The Oatmeal. He suggests that there might be other legal problems for the Oatmeal such as the fundraiser being violative of IndieGoGo’s term of service.
The internet continues to make fun of FJ and Carreon. Other attorneys make public statements about Carreon’s actions which include statements like “Holy fucking shitballs inside a burning biplane careening toward the Statue of Liberty, Captain! I hope that the reporter merely got the story wrong, because if not, that’s more fucked up than a rhino raping a chinchilla while dressed up in unicorns’ undergarments. ”
The Oatmeal v. FunnyJunk could have died there later on June 12, 2012, only to be a footnote in internet flamewar history, with its own Wikipedia entry, and a few mainstream media mentions. But no.
Charles Carreon’s pride has been wounded. In his delusionary state, he must see that the only way out is to double down on the Jack and the Six (i.e., worse blackjack hand in the deck). He takes the situation to DefCon 5. Last night, Popehat was alerted by another legal watcher that Charles Carreon has filed a lawsuit against The Oatmeal, IndieGoGo, American Cancer Society, and National Wildlife Federation.
He transcended typical internet infamy when he filed a federal lawsuit last Friday in the United Sates District Court for the Northern District of California in Oakland. He belonged to the ages the moment he filed that lawsuit not only against Matthew Inman, proprietor of The Oatmeal, but also against IndieGoGo Inc., the company that hosted Inman’s ridiculously effective fundraiser for the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society.
But that level of censorious litigiousness was not enough for Charles Carreon. He sought something more. And so, on that same Friday, Charles Carreon also sued the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society, the beneficiaries of Matthew Inman’s fundraiser.
Popehat is a site run by a bunch of lawyers and they are offering Inman pro bono legal work and they are asking the internet the following:
1. Kevin and I have offered pro bono help, and will be recruiting other First Amendment lawyers to offer pro bono help. It’s not just Mr. Inman who needs help. IndyGoGo does to. So do the charities. No doubt the charities already have excellent lawyers, but money that they spend fighting Carreon (whatever the causes of action he brought) is money that they don’t have to fight cancer and help wildlife. That’s an infuriating, evil turn of events.
2. You could still donate through the IndieGoGo program The Oatmeal set up. Or you could donate directly to the American Cancer Society or the National Wildlife Federation. I like animals, and I loved my mother who died at 55 of cancer, but I have no qualms whatsoever about encouraging people to donate to those causes as part of a gesture of defiance and contempt against Charles Carreon and the petulant, amoral, censorious douchebaggery he represents.
3. Spread the word. Tell this story on blogs, forums, and social media. Encourage people to donate as part of a gesture of defiance of Charles Carreon and entitled butthurt censors everywhere. Help the Streisand Effect work.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, direct abusive emails or calls or other communications to Mr. Carreon. That helps him and hurts the good guys. I don’t take his claims of victimhood at face value — not in the least — but such conduct is wrong, and empowers censors.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part IV from Popehat.
Feel free to copy this entire post and repost it (even without attribution) anywhere you can.
by john | Jun 20, 2012 | Writing
I know that a bunch of you have read Rachel Aaron’s post about going from 2,000 words a day to 10,000 words a day, and if not, you should. Here it is, for the uninitiated. Let me start by saying that I have only implemented a small part of what Rachel talks about in her blog, and I’ve implemented it partially and in my own twisted fashion, because that’s what I do. And I’ve STILL gone from struggling to hit 2,000 words/day to crushing 4,500 words/day in a week. This might not work for everyone, but it’s turning out pretty awesome for me, because I’ve found out quickly that there’s more to the writing life than just sitting chained to my computer every day and working my nuts off. There’s plenty of that, but the rest of the world can be just as intrusive into your writing time as a day job can be, and it’s sometimes easier to carve out writing time at night after work when it’s looked upon as a second job, than when it’s what you were supposed to be doing all day in the first place, not managing social media, making a run to the landfill with a truckload of scrap lumber, dealing with the exterminator, figuring out insurance bullshit about the break-in last week and going to a non-profit board meeting. Which was my day yesterday.
But here are the pieces of Rachel’s monster post (because even she’ll admit that she’s wordy, and VERY scientific in her approach to writing, which is awesome if you can pull it off and process it, but if you’re a loosey-goosey goofball like me, it’s a little hard to assimilate the whole thing in one go.) that helped me double my word count in just a few days. Not to mention a tactic of my own. Like everything on the internet, your mileage may vary.
Don’t you hate it when people write parentheticals that are longer than the main body of the sentence? Yeah, me neither.
Step 1 – Know what you’re going to write.
Yes, I realize that this is ONE point of the diagram in Rachel’s blog post. That’s why I linked it in the first paragraph. I totally told you I learned this stuff sitting on panels and talking with her. I didn’t invent it, I just bent it to work for me. I outline all my long-form fiction anyway. I get lost in my own narrative if I don’t, so I have to make a rough outline. But now, instead of just looking over at the outline when I’m working, I go one step further. Before I put fingers to keyboard for the day, I open a little journal on my desk and I write down what happens in the scene. It really does help me focus, and it I get lost in my dialogue it helps me stay on track. I often find that I can pre write twice as much in my journal as I can actually write, so I really only have to do this every couple of days. But it helps me plow through the saggy middle bits, keeping them tighter, and helps keep me on track so I don’t get distracted by the internet, or my cats, or my Squirrel of Mass Distraction.
This is the Squirrel of Mass Distraction. It’s Allan Gilbreath’s fault. If you come to Fandom Fest, I’ll explain.
This is one of my cats. You see what I mean about being easily distracted?
But anyway. That’s one piece of Rachel’s method that I’ve adopted, and not only has it upped my daily word count, it’s upped my hourly word count by 50%. I was plowing along at about 1,000 words/hour, which according to my fellow panelists at ConCarolinas, is a pretty standard pace for writers who think of themselves as writing pretty quickly.
Now I can get out 1,500 words/hour if I’m cooking along. That’s huge. That means more time for Buffy! More time for reading! More time to write other projects!
And that’s my Step 2 – Write more than one thing at a time. I’ve demonstrated quite handily that I have the attention span of a gnat’s ass, and honestly, I can only do about two hours of real writing time at one sitting. So I get up in the morning, deal with all my social media stuff, wish a bunch of people happy birthday on Facebook (yes, if you want a Happy Birthday wish from your favorite author, I don’t know how to help you. But if you want a Happy Birthday wish from me, friend me on Facebook and as long as your birthday doesn’t fall on a day I’m at a con or away from my computer, it’ll probably happen.), and write a blog post if I haven’t blogged in a few days.
There I go with long parentheticals again. Oh well, it’s kinda my thing.
But then I work on a short story. Either Bubba story, a Black Knight something, or something for an anthology. Last week I wrote my entry for my Big Bad Anthology, and those were some unappealing characters, lemme tell you. But I knocked out 1,000 words every morning, and then moved on with my day. Later on, I’ll come back and do 1,500 words on Return to Eden Book 2 – Exodus. And once I’m done with that, I move on to my next book, As Yet Untitled Thing with Dragons, Teenagers and Lots of Kissing. Which really isn’t any worse than some titles I’ve seen.
But that’s the key for me – multiple projects. I’m a bit of a flake (I know, quelle surprise!) and I can’t focus on one project to the elimination of all others when I’m writing. There are a LOT of ideas banging around in my head, and if I’m only letting one of them out at a time, the rest of them get cranky and give me gas. And that doesn’t make anyone happy, particularly not the cats.
DAD! You cannot Dutch Oven me, and run away before I get a chance to bite your toes! That’s not fair!
I would express some faint hope that my readers find fart humor as funny as I do, but given the fact that my second best-selling title this month features BUBBA THE MONSTER HUNTER, I think I’m probably okay.
So really, that’s all I’ve done to more than double my word count in the past couple of weeks. I pre write the scene I’m going to work on, and I keep multiple projects going. Those are my two keys. I hate to think how productive I’d be if I did everything Rachel blogged about, but for now I’ll stick with the old “under promise and over deliver” strategy.
Bugger, this 1100-something words (plus 3,000 for pics) doesn’t count towards my word limit.
by john | Jun 18, 2012 | Real Life
John G. Hartness (JGH) is pleased that JC Penney (JCP) is continuing down the same path of promoting inclusivity and tolerance in their advertisements. In JCP’s June catalog, there is another family-centered ad, but this time with two dads celebrating Father’s Day. BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
The ad show two men on the floor playing and hugging their two children at home. It read, “First Pals – What makes Dad so cool? He’s the swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver – all rolled into one. Or two. Real-life dads Todd Koch and Cooper Smith with their children Claire and Mason.”
It is obvious that JCP would rather take sides than remain neutral in the culture war. JCP has already heard from the other side (www.onemillionmoms.com) so they need to hear from us as well. Our persistence will pay off! We must remain diligent and stand up for tolerance, openness, acceptance and love of all people, regardless of color, creed, sexual orientation, gender identity or anything else that a person is born with and can’t help. We don’t have to accept assholes, though. Assholes suck, no matter what religious shroud they wrap themselves in. My country was founded on freedom from religious persecution, and I have faith that eventually people will yank their heads out of their asses on this matter and stop using religion as a club to beat down other people. I know what Jesus would do about that BS – see: moneylenders in temple. Then he’d turn water into wine and we’d chill. Cause JC was cool like dat.
JGH will continue to support JCP and will try to find one somewhere near his house to shop at as long as they continue to speak out for social justice and equality. If you receive their advertising booklets or catalogs in the mail, JGH recommends that you cheek it out, ’cause your threads are looking a little jacked up. Just sayin’. If they receive an onslaught of orders from people that think there are times when two dads are better than one, or the no dads that far too many babies are raised with in this day and age, they will take notice. Also, you may email, call or use their contact form on their website to tell them “Good on ya!” If you have a store credit card, you really should close that shit, because store cards have suck-ass interest rates and debt is bad and stuff. Be sure to tell them that you are canceling your card because you’re embarking on a new life of fiscal responsibility and that it has nothing to do with them being cool in their advertising.
Obviously this is a parody of the statement issued by One Million Moms about the recent JC Penney mailer. I believe pretty much everything written here, but I use the satirical form for emphasis and to protect me from libel when I call people assholes. It’s kinda what satirists have done for centuries, all the way back to the Fool in ye olde king’s court. Of course, he often got his head chopped off, so maybe that’s not the best example. But you get my point – there was a letter, this is a parody of the letter, but it’s still what I believe. Gay people happen. Deal with it. Don’t be a dick.
(“Don’t be a dick” h/t Wil Wheaton. I don’t think he can copyright that one, but he did kinda corner the market on it, so I’ll give him a little shouty-shout. Hi, Wil!)
by john | Jun 16, 2012 | Business of publishing
Please don’t take away my indie author badge just because I have a hybrid career, y’all. It’s no secret to people that follow me on Twitter or Facebook that I’m a fan of Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles. Not just because I think the few men writing urban fantasy have to stick together (me, Hearne, Butcher, Tuck and now D.B. Jackson are the ones that leap to mind) but because the books are funny as hell, well-crafted and feature an awesome dog as a main character.
Not THE main character, unless you ask the dog. But I digress.
But here’s the interesting thing about Hearne’s series. He sold his series to Del Rey, an imprint of Ballantine, one of the Big 6 publishers. These are not people typically considered to be welcoming of change, or open to new ways of doing things. But when they bought Kevin’s series, he already had the first three books finished. They went through what I’m sure was an extensive process of editing, revising, cover stuff, etc. But they did this on all three books at essentially the same time, and then they released them.
One each month. All last summer. So instead of readers having to wait a year for the next book in the series, they got three books all last summer, kept their appetites honed for the characters, fell in love with the characters and the series, and then, when they had to wait seven or eight months for Book 4, they were chomping at the bit. Book 4 released earlier this year, and Book 5 will release this fall. This breaks the traditional “one book a year” pattern that traditional publishers had used in the past to manage their release dates and was very effective in Kevin’s case. He came from out of nowhere to become a very popular upper-midlist fantasy author in a very short period of time. This kind of market awareness and adaptability deserves a little shout out for the people at Del Rey, because it shows that they were paying attention. They understood that fun books like Kevin’s are great summertime fare, and people are going to want a lot of them. So good for them. I hope more publishers pay attention, because the idea of only putting out one book a year is anathema to fast writers like me.
The pic is from Kevin’s signing at Park Road Books in Charlotte last week. Yes, that is my book beside him. I gave him a copy of Hard Day’s Knight since I rode the coattails of his also-boughts to great sales numbers last summer. The pic below is how I spent my Friday night, finishing Book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles. It was my favorite of the series since Book 1. Really recommend it if you haven’t already gotten hooked on that series.
This is a good Friday night, right here.
by john | Jun 12, 2012 | Real Life
Well, judging by the comments on yesterday’s post and the responses to my Facebook posting, way too damn many of us have been the victim of this same kind of thing. And at 6′ 1″ and 295 lbs., I’m not really the “victim” stereotype. But let’s look at my recent (past ten years) history with crime.
2006 – My wife was held up at gunpoint when a trio of thieves robbed the local community theatre during a performance of A Chorus Line. No, I cannot make that shit up. They got her purse with her car keys and ID, leading to a huge pain in the ass of replacing things, towing cars, calling locksmiths, etc. Because I was in Philadelphia when it happened. Of course.
2010 – My car was broken into in Little Five Points in Atlanta. Bastards took out two windows and made off with my brand-new MacBook Pro, my Canon Rebel XTi digital SLR camera, a bunch of tools, and a bunch of lighting equipment. Minimum replacement cost, $5,000. Insurance doesn’t carry equipment that belongs to your workplace if it’s in your personal vehicle, so I was on the hook for that. Out of pocket – about $2,000.
2011 – My truck was broken into in the parking lot of the Sheraton Suites across from the Cobb Galleria in Atlanta. Window smashed, lock jimmied, all kinds of crap damaged. I was down there for work so my employer paid for the repairs. The cops caught the thieves after they broke into 50 other cars in the same parking garage. Yes, FIFTY. I got all my stuff back. Nothing out of pocket.
2012 – Read yesterday’s post. At this point I’m not sure if it’s going to be worth filing an insurance claim or not. The impact on my premium for the next three years may be such that I’m better off just eating the loss and sharpening the dog’s teeth a little more. So my out of pocket is going to be somewhere from $500 to $2,500. And that’s IF I decide to replace everything. Which is unlikely.
But on the bright side, I got my shit together enough yesterday to get 3,000 words written, even though I stayed up until 1AM to do it. I also went out to Park Road Books and met Kevin Hearne, the author of the fantastic Iron Druid Chronicles. If you haven’t read these, you should totally pick them up. And if you’re in Chapel Hill tonight, he’ll be at FlyLeaf Books. He’s a nice guy, funny as hell and very gracious. I gave him a copy of Hard Day’s Knight since I picked up a bunch of fans last summer when his stuff was released thanks to the Amazon also-bought algorithms.
And a really cool thing happened to me while I was standing in line waiting to get my book signed. I was chatting with a few people, and dude I didn’t know asked me “Are you John Hartness?”
I replied in the affirmative, because I was pretty sure I didn’t owe him money. He then proceeded to pull out a copy of Hard Day’s Knight and get me to sign it. He’d seen on Kevin’s Facebook page that I was going to be at the signing, and he and his wife wanted to meet me! So I signed his book, then he pulled out a Sharpie and had me autograph the back of his Kindle, right under Kevin’s signature! That was a pretty awesome little “rock star” moment for me, the first time I’ve ever been recognized somewhere and had someone ask for my autograph when I wasn’t a con guest or at a dealer’s table somewhere. So I felt downright thrilled about my evening, no matter how crappy a chunk of my day was.
So thanks to Joseph and Mary for making my night!
And thanks to everyone for the words, tweets, emails and texts of support. This burglary has hit Suzy pretty hard, and I hate seeing her scared. That’s the worst thing for me, far worse than losing a few pieces of electronics. But your support really means the world to us. And thanks to everybody who bought a book to help the recovery fund, or donated using the button on yesterday’s post. I really appreciate it.
