That’s how I felt last night when I realized that my house had been burglarized. While Suzy and I were down in SC celebrating Father’s Day with my family, a couple of young black men broke into my house, stole my Macbook Air, my Canon Rebel T3i digital camera and a Wii game console. My neighbors saw them and chased them on foot, but the thieves got away.
On the bright side, I had an older laptop that I was able to quickly get up and running. I didn’t lose any of my writing, thanks to a combination of DropBox and Time Machine backups. My Macbook was password-protected and is now remote-wiped thanks to the iCloud apps. No one was hurt, and our pets were safe. And I learned that I really do live in a good neighborhood, where three young brothers were willing to put their own safety on the line to try and protect my possessions. That last bit means a lot.
On the darker side, I’m fucking pissed. Some little sonofabitch broke into my home. He came into my office and stole my computer. The computer I write on. The way I make my living. My home. I feel violated, I feel scared, and more than anything I feel angry. Last night I re-loaded the shotgun and put it back in its rightful place beside my bed. The warning shot is what you get when you hear the shell racked into the chamber. It’s bird shot, so I’m at least giving you a chance to live through the next round.
Suzy and I have lived through this before, each in different ways. I’ve had two vehicle break-ins within the past three years, both in Atlanta. The first time, ironically, my MacBook and digital SLR camera were stolen. The second time not only did the thieves get nothing of value, but they were caught just hours later and my stuff was returned. Suzy was held up at gunpoint while working in a theatre, and had her purse and car keys stolen. That was decidedly more traumatic and scary.
But this just pisses me off. I know it’s all just stuff, material possessions, and I really am very happy that neither my neighbors nor my pets were hurt. But it was my stuff. I worked hard to be able to afford those things, and now some assclown that doesn’t want to go out and get a damn job has my stuff. And I’m pissed.
And now I can see a little better how things like the Trayvon Martin shooting happen. I don’t want to say that my situation is analogous to George Zimmerman, because only two people know what happened that night in Florida, and one of them is dead. But I know that my immediate experience has trumped my liberal leanings right now, and I could see me overreacting to some perceived threat right now. My personal security has been rattled, and I don’t have much of a flight instinct, it’s all fight. So please send a message to the Seventh-Day Adventists and the Mormons that this is a bad week to knock on the door of Casa de Hartness, because the nicest thing I’m holding down behind the door when I answer it is a baseball bat.
I really do appreciate all the well-wishes on Facebook and Twitter. It’s nice that folks were concerned. If you want to help, buy a book. I’m not sure yet whether it’s going to be worth filing a homeowner’s insurance claim or not. It may affect my premium more than the stuff was worth, so I have to weigh that in making my decision. If you really want to help, click the Paypal button below.
And thanks for reading my rant. I’m not going to shoot anybody. Much. But a .22 slug to the kneecap is looking like a better and better answer. After all, if I shoot a bitch in the knee, he’s not going to be playing second-story man anymore.
Last weekend was my first time as a guest at ConCarolinas, and I had an awesome time. Last year I couldn’t attend this con because I had already bought a table space at HeroesCon and couldn’t do both. This year they are not on the same weekend, and I am loving it! I had a great time hanging out with all my friends from Magical Words, as well as some other good friends like Gail Martin and Stuart Jaffe. I also met some new great friends like my brother from another mother, James Tuck, author of the Deacon Chalk urban fantasy series. It’s awesome, you should buy it! I was on several panels, had some great conversations with some fans, and generally had an awesome time.
And I sold a shitload of books. I sold almost completely out of the Bubba print collection, and had to reorder those and Hard Day’s Knight for Fandom Fest and Heroes. I was amazed at how Bubba was flying off the table, but then I realized that you tell folks it’s Larry the Cable Guy meets The Dresden Files, and that’s worth $15 right there. I hope they all enjoy those stories as much as I enjoyed writing them.
And I also corralled a lot of my writerly friends into appearing on Literate Liquors with me. So over the next few weeks you’ll see a bunch of new episodes, and I’ll be taping more at Fandom Fest and Heroes Con. I hope you’ll make it out to one of those shows. In the meantime, here’s the newest Literate Liquors video, featuring James R. Tuck.
I just wanted to toot my own horn here for a minute and thank Deirdra over at A Storybook World for giving this little corner of the interwebs a Brilliant Writer Award. It even comes with a cool badge thingy, see?
I really appreciate the kudos from Deirdra. It’s nice to get these little attaboys from out of the blue, it helps remind me that I’m not completely screaming into the void when I post here.
I also want to take a quick second to thank everyone who retweeted, posted on Facebook or otherwise helped spread the word about my free books to vets and active military promo for Memorial Day Weekend. I gave away over 50 ebooks to veterans and active-duty servicemen and servicewomen, and it made me feel good to do something for the people who do so much for me.
I’m getting geared up for ConCarolinas this weekend! I’m looking forward to seeing some old friends, making some new friends, and probably being an opinionated jackass on at least a couple of panels. I doubt I’ll get a new episode of Literate Liquors up before the con, but I’m going to try to get several episodes in the can during the con, so we’ll have plenty of content for the summer. I enjoy doing the show, it gives me another excuse to drink! And there will be a live version of the show taking place at Fandom Fest in Louisville at the end of the month. I’m doing a panel with Jackie Gamber, who I stole this whole idea from. She does tea pairings with book selections, so we’re going to do tea pairings, then liquor pairings of the same books, then we’re going to end up getting drunk. If you’re planning to be at Fandom Fest, definitely check that panel out!
Alright, kids, I’m gonna go do some more work on the new Bubba story, which I hope to have out early in June (no spoilers, but there’s a lot of shooting in this one!). And the Bubba origin story is coming, but I’m not sure yet how to craft it. I haven’t decided if it works better as a series of stories, or as a novel. I know that the current storyline will remain a series of shorts, but I’m not sure yet about the origin. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out!
UPDATE – OFFER NOW EXTENDED THROUGH WEDNESDAY! Go ahead, get free books if you’re active military, former military or family of military!
This weekend is about more than just barbeque, a long weekend and the opening of summer movie season. This weekend is a time to remember the men and women who laid down their lives to defend our country and our way of life. It’s also another good opportunity to say thanks to those who serve in our country’s military, and to those who have served. I never joined any branch of the military, but I have the utmost respect for those who did, and I understand that without men and women willing to stand on that wall, my way of life would be very different.
So thank you. If you’ve served our country, or are currently serving our country, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you have lost a family member in any of current or recent conflicts, I am sorry for your loss and grateful for your sacrifice. I sincerely hope that someday we will live in a world where people don’t try to take away the rights and freedoms of other people, but until that time I’m glad we have people who are willing to defend our country, with their lives if necessary.
Here’s my gift to our men and women of the Armed Forces. From now until Midnight Monday (12AM Tuesday) – you can have free ebooks. Anything I’ve written, you can have it. You want one book? It’s yours. You want a copy of all my books? They’re yours. All you have to do is email me and ask. I’ll email you copies of any book I’ve written.
Here are the details –
1) This offer is open to any current or past member of any branch of the US Armed Forces. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard. If you’re a vet, currently serving, or retired – you qualify.
2) This offer is open to the wives, husbands, parents and children of any member of the US Armed Forces that has died in the line of duty. Vietnam, Desert Storm, training accident, Afghanistan – if someone in your immediate family gave their life in service to our country, you qualify.
3) To get your free ebook(s), it’s a really complicated process (I’m lying). Email me – johnhartness AT gmail DOT com – and tell me which books you would like. Tell me if you need a Kindle format (for the kindle) or an ePub format (for everything else). I’ll email you the file. You might have to figure out how to put the books on your e-reader, but in most cases it’s really easy and there are directions available on the Google machine.
4) Please pass the word to other servicemen, servicewomen, veterans and families.
This offer does end at the end of Memorial Day. I’m serious – I don’t care how many books you want. If you want a free copy of every book I’ve ever written, it’s yours. Please don’t be shy about asking.
The Books – Since I should probably let everyone know what I’m giving away.Seriously, you can have any or all of them for free, just tell me what format, and I’ll email them along. Thanks for your service.
The Black Knight Chronicles – A humorous urban fantasy series set in Charlotte, NC where the good guys are vampires. Perfect for fans of Jim Butcher or Joss Whedon.
Book 1 – Hard Day’s Knight
Book 2 – Back in Black
Book 3 – Knight Moves
Collected Shorts – Knight (un)Life
Bubba the Monster Hunter stories – Cross Larry the Cable Guy with the Dresden Files in this hilarious comic horror series. All the stories are available in two collections.
Monsters Beware – Collects Bubba 1-4 (Voodoo Children, Ballet of Blood, Ho-Ho-Homicide, Tassels of Terror)
Monsters Mashed – Collects Bubba 5-8 (Cat Scratch Fever, Love Stinks, Hall & Goats, Footloose)
Genesis – X-Men:First Class meets Mad Max in this apocalyptic teen superhero novel.
Headshot – Meet Cindy O’Shea. She’s a black belt, she’s a sniper, she’s a sophomore. Teenage assassin in New York. What could go wrong?
The Chosen – What do you get when you mix the father of all mankind with a snotty archangel, the Father of Lies, a couple of snarky waitresses from Texas and a tattooed street preacher from Tennessee? A cross-country trip to save the world, of course!
The Christmas Lights – A short sampler of my literary fiction, plus introductory stories for both of my genre fiction series.
Returning the Favor – A collection of poems, essays and short stories by an overeducated redneck. Drinking, comic conventions, breakups, family gatherings, bluegrass and did I mention drinking? No subject is off-limits.
Red Dirt Boy – I write poetry, too. Poetry for people who’d rather listen to Johnny Cash than read Robert Frost.
Literate Liquors is my new video show where I do book and booze pairings. If you’ve ever wondered what’s the best drink to go with Patrick Rothfuss’ Kingkiller Chronicles, this is the show for you! We talk about books and booze, two of my favorite things.
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