by john | Sep 11, 2013 | Real Life, Writing
So here’s my post for the week – OW MY FUCKING FOOT HURTS.
Thank you, and goodnight.
Nah, I’ll do better, but my fucking foot does hurt. But since I usually don’t type with my feet, it’s pretty much irrelevant to my work here, isn’t it? Yep, so you get a blog post. A boring one, but a blog post nonetheless.
I haven’t written shit this week, but I got 3-4K words done on a new Bubba story and a new YA novels about dragons that I’ve been working on most of the year. Did all that last weekend, then Sunday I jumped into theatre mode hot n’ heavy. I’m directing a Southern farce called Dearly Departed in Rock Hill, SC this fall, and auditions were this week, Sunday – Tuesday. Lots of great women showed up for the six female roles, but we’re short a few actors for the four male roles.
Like three.
So we’re working on that. Hopefully we can scrape up some guys and move forward. I gave us an extra week between auditions and the beginning of rehearsals because I remembered this being an issue the last time I directed for this company.
But at some point I also hurt my foot. I don’t know what I did to cause it, but I have an acute case of achilles tendinitis, which hurts like a bitch. Actually, I think I do know what I did – I drove wrong. I took my dad to the VA hospital on Monday to have a stitch removed from his eyeball (yeah, I said that) after his very successful cataract surgery, and I took Suzy’s car. Now a Nissan Versa is a fine automobile, and I enjoy her car quite a bit usually.
But driving it for six hours apparently causes me to hold me foot and legs in a funny position which seems to have tweaked my Achilles. A lot. It’s better today than it was yesterday, and hopefully through the good graces of Advil and ice, it’ll be almost back to normal tomorrow, but for now – FUCK.
Let’s face it kids, this is a whole lot of sexy to try and carry around on one foot.
So tonight I watched Lost Girl with my foot up and basically dicked around, so I’ll work on some word count tomorrow. In the meantime, you want a taste of the dragon thing I’ve been working on? Here’s a little nibble –
The ride to school gave Rachel a chance to clear her head and cool down a little after the argument with her dad. She knew he meant well, but the methods the mining company used were just so destructive. It seemed like no matter how much they fought, she couldn’t get him to see what she saw so clearly – that there’s no way blowing the tops off mountains could possibly be good for the environment. But it was definitely good for the CEO’s pockets, and the shareholders’ portfolios, and that’s all anybody cared about anymore. Some days Rachel wished she lived in a bigger city instead of the bucolic mountain town, then she could pitch a tent on the city hall lawn and protest. She could pitch a tent here, of course, but people would just think she was camping.
Rachel was still a little lost in thought as she turned into the school parking lot, so she didn’t see the taillights of the Mercedes until it was almost too late. The little coupe stopped on a dime, and Rachel had nowhere to go but to swerve hard left into oncoming traffic if she didn’t want to completely taco her front wheel on Jessica Baker’s back bumper. She knew whose car it was, of course. Not many Mercedes convertibles in the student parking lot, so everybody knew who it belonged to. But all Rachel thought about when she saw the red lights fill her vision was whether or not she could avoid putting her head through the back window of the ragtop. She swerved hard to the left, right into the path of an oncoming pickup.
Brakes squealed, Rachel pedaled hard to clear the front of the truck before it hit her, and she almost made it. The truck’s front bumper just clipped her rear wheel, but it was enough to send Rachel flying sideways off the bike to land on the asphalt. Her head smacked the pavement, hard, and her bike helmet exploded into shards of plastic and styrofoam. Her backpack dug painfully into her back and she felt a sharp burning in her left knee that told her one more pair of jeans was probably done for.
Rachel lay in the parking lot for a few seconds trying to collect herself before she managed to sit up. Just then, the driver of the truck got his vehicle turned off and made it to her side.
“Don’t sit up, you might be really hurt.” Rachel’s heart fell into her stomach at the sound of a familiar voice. Of course it’s Scott Morrison’s truck that I swerve in front of. Because the universe really does hate me. Please tell me it’s the thirteenth. I know it’s Friday, but it’s totally NOT my lucky day. Rachel sagged back to the pavement, wishing she could sink through it into the ground. When the ground steadfastly refused to open up and swallow her, she struggled up to her knees and tried to stand. Her left leg buckled under her, though, and Scott hurried forward to catch her before she fell.
“Hey! You really shouldn’t be standing.” She looked up at his brown eyes full of concern, and her knees went weak all over again. Scott helped her back to a sitting position on the ground and started to look her over for injuries.
“Are you all right?” He asked. “You seem a little …I don’t know. Did you hit your head?”
“No, I’m fine.” Rachel replied. “My helmet did its job. I think I’ve just got a little road rash on one knee. Just help me up and I’ll be fine.” As long as I don’t smell your cologne or look in those eyes again.
“Are you sure? Holy shit! You’re bleeding!” He pointed at her left knee, and sure enough, the fabric was shredded and soaked with blood.
“It’s not a big deal.” She said, trying to wave off the crowd that was gathering. “Just a little scratch. Don’t worry about it. It was totally my fault.” She saw Scott look at her out of the corner of one eye and held up her hands. “No, really! Look, you didn’t even bend the wheel of my bike. Much. Shit.” When she looked closer she could see that the wheel was just enough out of true that she wouldn’t be able to ride it until she got it fixed.
“Look, I’ll take care of the bike. I promise.” Scott said. “And I’ll give you a ride home today. You’re Ben Hampton’s daughter, right? Your dad works with my dad. I think I know where you live. I’ll take you home after school, then give you a ride to the bike shop and pay for the wheel. Okay?” It was more than okay with Rachel, who was getting a fluttery feeling in her stomach at the thought of that much time with Scott Morrison. Maybe today won’t be a total suck-fest after all.
by john | Sep 5, 2013 | Uncategorized
Today I’m over at Magical Words talking a little more about DragonCon and a little more about the concept of “true fans.” And no, this has nothing to do with cosplay and whether girls who like to dress up are real geek girls or not. I’m not in a position to judge anyone’s geek street cred, and anyone who wants to dress up as anything they like can feel free.
Except maybe furries. Furries kinda creep me out. But that’s just me.
Anyway, go to Magical Words. No furries.
by john | Sep 3, 2013 | Uncategorized
I dunno how many of these parts I’ll actually get done, but hell, it’s still better than I’ve done posting here in months, so let’s accept the baby steps, okay?
We got down to Atlanta about 6PM on Thursday, since I’d told the wife that I wanted to be rolling out of Charlotte around 10 or 11AM.
Yep, I know it only takes 4 hours to get from Charlotte to Atlanta.
Nope, we didn’t get rolling by 11AM.
No, it didn’t matter in the end.
Because loading into the AmericasMart was a clusterfuck! Of colossal proportions. I dunno what type of trade shows that place typically hosts, but it was not in any way prepared for the number of vendors that were trying to get into the doors for DragonCon. We parked on the street, offloaded onto the sidewalk, and walked our stuff in once they told us that the wait for a spot at the loading dock was 5 hours.
At 6PM.
You do the math. Once we got to the booth, everything went fairly smoothly. Our location was good, except for the huge column blocking a couple of feet of our booth from the aisle, but it was still a good location. And I sold an amazing number of books (although not as many as David B. Coe) over the weekend.
I also did a bunch of panels, including a Men of Urban Fantasy panel with David, Kevin J. Anderson, Jim Butcher, Jonathan Maberry, James Tuck and S.M.Stirling. That one was awesome, and I was seated between Maberry and Butcher, so I got to thank Jim Butcher for all his influence and inspiration. Later on I fanboyed out and gave him a copy of the Black Knight Omnibus. Probably unprofessional, but fuggit. I also got a chance to sit on a Pulp panel with Tuck, Bobby Nash, John Ringo, Van Allen Plexico and D. Alan Lewis.
Those experiences solidified for me that being on panels at cons is pretty damn instrumental in selling books. David and I both had people coming into the booth all weekend saying that they saw us on that panel and wanted to pick up our books because of it. It makes me even more convinced that just attending cons and sitting behind a table is kinda pointless, it’s getting in front of people that makes them want to read your work. And that’s what we’re all working towards- getting people to read our work!
Next up for me – Atomacon, a first-year convention in Charleston, SC. This one isn’t until November, so hopefully I’ll have enough time to get some work done on a few other projects, including a new Bubba story and finishing up this dragon story I’ve been cooking on.
by john | Jun 18, 2013 | Uncategorized
Here’s a little taste from the next Bubba the Monster Hunter story. Currently untitled.
“Skeeter,” I said in my best “be calm so you don’t cuss out your best friend in front of the entire kitchen staff of the hotel” voice. “Do we know anything new about the L-E-P-R-E-. . . The thing we’re after?” My attempt to spell out leprechaun ended in miserable failure when I realized I couldn’t spell “leprechaun.”
“There was another attack last night. And underground poker game just outside of town. I’ll send the address to your phone.”
“Okay, I’ll head out there as soon as I finish breakfast.”
“You mean you ain’t finished? Damn, Bubba, even hobbits only eat two breakfasts Save something for lunch.” I flipped off the air and pressed the button to hang up the phone, then headed back upstairs to shower and get dressed to face the day. Somewhere in Greenville, SC there was an Irish mythical creature killing people and raiding poker games. I needed to find it, and kill it. And maybe stick around for more grits tomorrow morning.
by john | Jun 6, 2013 | Uncategorized
Come see me this weekend at HeroesCon 2013! I’ll be in booth AA-2017, near the concession stands and the restrooms. Yep, I get the best tables in restaurants, too. Nah, that’s just what I get for registering late. But near the loo is actually a pretty good place to be at an exhibit hall. And I’ve got some new product to share with folks, including The Big Bad: An Anthology of Evil, just released from Dark Oak Press. This horror anthology features 30 stories where the only restriction on the subject matter was – the protagonist must be a “bad guy.” So we’ve got werewolves, vampires, zombies, wizards, dragons and plain old humans. It’s also available on ebook for only $2.99 and trade paperback and hardcover wherever books are sold.
by john | Apr 14, 2013 | Fiction, Writing
There’s a new Bubba story coming! Finished the draft, just gotta knock out the typos, tighten it up a little, and give it a cover. Oughta have it ready for y’all later this week. Here’s the opener –
Love Hurts
A Bubba the Monster Hunter Short Story
By John G. Hartness
The last thing I saw was the handle of my Grandpappy’s sword sticking out of my belly, covered in blood that was supposed to still be inside me. The last thing I heard was my brother’s voice, speaking to me for the first time in about fifteen years, mocking me as he twisted the blade. The last thing I thought was how much family reunions suck.
The next thing I knew I was laying in a hospital bed with more tubes and wires stuck to me than Wolverine in that crappy X-Men prequel. I stared up at the ceiling for a minute, wiggling fingers and toes and other parts that would wiggle before I turned my head to the side. Agent Amy was asleep in the chair by my bed, a strand of blonde hair creeping loose from her ponytail to brush across one cheek. I reached out to brush it back into place, but was really surprised to find that somebody had tied hundred-pound weights to my hands. Or at least that’s what it felt like, because I couldn’t move either mitt.
Amy must have heard or sensed something, because her eyes snapped open and she reached for the call button on my bed.
“Can I help you?” Came the tinny voice from the little speaker thingy that doubled as a speaker for the TV and a walkie-talkie to the nurses’ station.
“He’s awake. You should probably come untie him now.” Amy replied. I heard what she was saying, but didn’t quite get what she was saying until Amy looked back to me.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. The nurses kept the keys to your restraints, and I didn’t think it was worth fighting over while you were still asleep.”
“Where am I?” I don’t really have a problem with cliches, as long as they’re valid. And this one was. I had no friggin’ clue where I was.
“Atlanta. I had you flown here after Jason skewered you.”
“Like a damn shishkabob. Little bastard ran me through like poop through a goose.”
“That’s attractive, Bubba.” A new voice came from the door, and I looked up to see my best friend, wingman and technological guru Skeeter standing in the doorway, striking a pose. He woulda looked more heroic standing there all backlit and shit if he was bigger, or maybe armed. As it was, his skinny ass was the best-looking thing I’d seen in weeks. Except for Agent Amy, but she’s a chick, which gives her a default boost in the good-looking department. Anyway, Skeeter stepped into the room and flipped on the lights as a cute Asian nurse pushed past him.
“Mr. . . .”
“Bubba.” I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “Just Bubba will do fine, sweet-cheeks. Now, you wanna let me loose from all these cuffs and tubes and wires and shit? I gotta go rip my brother’s head off and crap down his neck.”
I didn’t know Asian people could get that pale, but she turned white as a sheet. I think she was afraid I was gonna kill Jason right there in the hospital. Which I reckon I woulda if I’da thought for a second that he was in the hospital.
She glanced over at Agent Amy, who gave her a nod. I reckon it was supposed to reassure the little thing that I didn’t want to kill her. It must have worked, since she set to unfastening me from the bed. “Mr. Bubba, you can’t rip anyone’s head off for a while. As a matter of fact, I don’t think you’re going to be in much shape to be ripping open a bag of Doritos anytime soon. You suffered serious internal injuries, and if it were not for the work of a lot of very fine surgeons and your friends here rushing you here in a —“
“Black government helicopter that none of us knows anything about.” Skeeter said with a grin. He was sitting in a straight chair by the window, grinning like a possum that had just crossed the freeway. He’d been full of conspiracy theories since we were in middle school, so finding out that the government really did have black helicopters was the best Christmas present he could have ever imagined.
“Yes, that.” Nurse Whatsherface finished. “My name is Lucy, and I’m your daytime nurse. Ethel is the charge nurse and your technician is Alex. Dr. Watson will be by later to talk with you about your injuries and how long you can expect to stay here.”
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“Serious about what?” Lucy had that look on her face that said she knew exactly what I was asking about but didn’t want to give me the satisfaction of just answering the question.
“My doctor is named Watson?”
“Yes, sir. Dr. Watson is one of our most competent surgeons, with experience in a wide range of internal injuries. And your injuries were apparently quite extensive.”
“Yeah, that’s what happens when your kid brother shoves a sword through your guts. Extensive injuries.”
She looked back down at her charts, doing a good job of not asking any of the obvious questions. “Yes, well, my sibling rivalries were slightly less violent. Now Agent Hall, Mr. Jones, would you please step out of the room for a few minutes while I check the dressing on his wounds?”
They left, and Nurse Lucy did a thoroughly professional job of checking my wounds, redressing the hole in my back and my front, and making sure that nothing got kinked up in my catheter line. And if you ever need to feel like the least sexually interesting human being in the world, let a nurse slap a huge bandage across your naked belly while you’re pissing into a catheter bag.
“How long?” I asked, more to take my mind off what she wasn’t doing than anything else.
“How long what?” She replied, not bothering to look up from the task at hand.
“How long was I out?”
“You were in surgery for about eleven hours, then there were some issues with getting you stabilized, so it says here that they went back in to patch up a couple of other small bleeders and then you were out for about three days.”
“So it’s been four days since that little son of a bitch gutted me?”
“Yes. If you don’t mind my asking, why haven’t the authorities been involved? You came in here on a government helicopter and you’ve said repeatedly that you know who stabbed you. So why aren’t there any police around?”
I looked up at her and tried to remember the days before I knew that the things that go bump in the night are real and that the monster under your bed was usually a boggart, not a figment. Those days were way too long ago, I couldn’t drag up that innocence anymore. I gave her my best lopsided grin. “Nurse Lucy, I’d love to tell you, but it was a government training exercise, and I can’t say anything more.”
“But you said —“
“I’m pretty sure you misheard me. Didn’t you?” I smiled a little, which is usually enough to scare normal people. It worked. The little woman turned pale again, and went back to work without any other questions.
by john | Apr 7, 2013 | Appearances, Real Life, Vampires
I’ve been adapting to the new job fairly well. It’s been two months and I haven’t fired the entire staff. There have been some personnel changes, but that’s pretty normal when new management is brought in. But it’s taken more of my time than my last full-time job did, and that’s eaten into my writing time and certainly into my posting time here. I’ll be around this little spot on the interwebs, but it’ll mostly be to post updates on appearances, release dates, and that sort of thing. If you want to keep track of my whereabouts on a more frequent basis, Facebook is really the best way. I have a personal page and an author page, and you’re welcome to follow me on either one or both. The author page is more professional (marginally), while my personal page is pretty uncensored. You’ve been warned.
I’ll also be posting on Magical Words every week for the next little while as Kalayna works on some deadline stuff she’s got to take care of. So I’m posting there every Thursday on writing, the writing life, and the things we all do to keep on keeping on. And every once in a while I’ll post about David Coe’s underwear.
You really had to be there.
And speaking of being there – my next there to be will be JordanCon in Roswell, GA. I’m there in two weeks, from April 19-21, with James Tuck, Delilah Dawson, Mira Grant, Michael Whelan and a bunch of other folks. There might even be a sighting from that dude that finished the Wheel of Time series! If so, he’d better bring his Commander decks. It’s his fault I got into this mess.
So if you’re anywhere near Atlanta in two weeks, come say hi!
In the meantime, this place will be a little less deserted, but if I blog less, it’s because I’m working on Paint it Black, The Big Bad Anthology, new Bubba stories and some awesome ideas I’ve got brewing.
Be good to each other,
J
by john | Jan 19, 2013 | Appearances
Every once in a while I just like to remind y’all that you can find me all over the interwebs.
So if you visit here, feel free to “like” me on Facebook
You can follow me on Twitter.
You can even subscribe to my email list, which I’m using more since there’s a free Bubba story every week nowadays!
Nah, I’m not giving you my phone number, that’s a little creepy. But you check out all that stuff above, and you’ll see I’m really easy to find.
by john | Jan 18, 2013 | Uncategorized
I’ve been pretty buried this week, and I’ll be almost totally radio silence next week, so don’t lose hope, I’m still alive, just working my ass off trying to pay the bills.
But first – big news for Black Knight Chronicles fans – Book 4 has been delivered! To my publisher, that is. But the fact is that the long wait is almost over, we’re getting ready to start edits on it, and I really hope to have it delivered to folks this summer. In my dream world, I’d have print copies for ConCarolinas in June, but I haven’t even started that conversation with my publisher yet, and it depends on how much work the book needs before it gets to you fine folks. But the first draft (that they’ve seen, about the third draft for me) is in the hands of the fine folks at Bell Bridge Books, so we’re moving forward!
I’m still writing Bubba stuff, and there will be a Bubba story this month, but it will be the last week of January, because I’ve been covered up and see no end to that in the near future. Which is good, but it does slow down some of my output.
The editing thing is starting to take off. I’m currently full for the next four weeks, so if you have a manuscript you’d like me to work on with you, understand that I won’t touch it until Mid-February. I only work on one book at a time, so that slows me down a little, but it gives my undivided attention to each project, so I think it’s a fair trade.
Next week I’m not writing or editing, I’m playing lighting designer again. I’m working on two shows at the same time – Seasons for a local dance company and Next to Normal for a small theatre company here in town. If you’re around, come check them out. Both shows are pretty innovative in their own way, and Next to Normal features some amazing actors. I watched rehearsal last night and was blown away. So I’ll be living in the dark all next week, except for my post on Magical Words, which honestly, I’ll probably write this weekend and schedule it so that I don’t forget.
So there we are, a brief update, but an update nonetheless. And yes, Paint it Black will happen sometime this year, I promise!
by john | Jan 9, 2013 | Appearances, Real Life, Theatre
With apologies to Scalzi. But not really. He doesn’t own the term, no matter what the Google machine might think :). I hate titling blog posts. Frankly, I hate titling anything, which is why I rip off song titles for almost all my books and story titles.
First off, the Help Peter David contest will keep going until next Monday! You have more chances to win a t-shirt, but the real reason the contest is going to keep keeping on is because the awesome Davey Beauchamp is donating some signed Peter David comics! So I have more prizes for more winners! You don’t need to buy anything to win, but the whole point is to get people to buy Peter’s books to help him and his family deal with the bills from his recent stroke. So don’t be a cheap-ass, go buy something to help one of my favorite writers.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, either scroll down or click here. According to his blog, which his wife is keeping updated, he’s been moved to rehab, which is way less cool when you’re not a rock star drying out, and will be living there apart from his family for a month or more. That’s gotta suck eight ways to Sunday, and is going to be hell expensive any way you slice it, so reach deep and buy his shit while he’s sick. Hell, buy his shit when he’s well, too. Peter is a giant in the comics industry and I’ve been a big fan of his almost as long as I’ve been able to pay attention to the writing in comics. I think after Chris Claremont, Peter David was the second comic book writer name I learned to recognize.
Moving along, because this can’t all be a blog about me being charitable and nice, otherwise it would fuck up a carefully crafted reputation. I got an agent! Not a literary one, which might make a few people shake their heads. Some of y’all know I’ve been an actor for a long time. It’s what I went to school for, it’s been a passion of mine for many years, and now I’m taking steps to make it a secondary revenue stream. Hell, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it became a primary revenue stream. But don’t sweat it, I’m still writing, I’m still editing, I’m still designing. I’m still doing all the things I’ve been doing, I’m just trying to add a little acting on top of that to help pay the bills. But I’m excited about the prospect of doing some commercials, maybe some small features. Who knows, maybe I can get a little spot on Homeland? After all, it shoots right up the road!
Come see me this weekend at Illogicon! Here’s my Schedule!
The State of Short Fiction: (Friday, 5 PM, Reynolds)
Comedy in Sci-fi/Fantasy: (Saturday, 1 PM, Reynolds)
Reading (Saturday, 7 PM, Crescent)
Ebooks: (Sunday, 11 AM, Smith) (M)
Humanizing Your Villains: (Sunday, 2 PM, Smith)
Self Promoting Without Going Broke: (Sunday, 3 PM, Reynolds)
Other times I can be found somewhere drinking, so come look for me!
